Focused Attention

Blog #22

      All of the teachers in our graduate class were asked to pick the student that was the most difficult one we worked with.  Then, for a small research project, we were to give that student one minute of focused attention a day for two weeks.  It was not to be the “focused attention” of how the student was not fitting in to our agenda, but the focusing of our attention on the student and his or her life.  We could not ask questions about homework or behavior in school, but rather on his or her likes, dislikes and his or her world.

      It was easy to pick out the student for the case study and really pretty easy to find one minute of time to spend with the student.  The “focusing” was more difficult, because that is not what most teachers consistently do. We focus on our own classroom goals, student learning, student homework and student behavior.

      Every morning, I faithfully made a point to talk to Malcolm, my problem student, about his world, what he liked, what he disliked and what happened at home last night.  Like most students, he relished the attention and the opportunity to talk. Within a few days, it was apparent that change was occurring. Malcolm and I were developing a relationship and he, who formerly was rarely compliant and rarely did his homework, was working hard to please me. The mind-boggling event was that this was happening with every teacher in our graduate class.  A real change was happening, because of focused attention.

        At the end of the two week experiment, we all said the same thing.  The students who were once difficult and “trying” was no longer behaving that way in our classes.  It seemed like a miracle to many of us.

       Ross Campbell in his books, How to Really Love Your Child and How to Really Love Your Teenage, states “focused attention” is one of the ways to express love to your child or teen.  It is essential. It is, in essence, the eye to eye listening, the giving to the other person one’s undivided attention. Focused attention is the heart and soul of active listening.  Listening with focused attention is one of the greatest acts of love, in my opinion.  It is almost miraculous to see how people can change when they are respected, totally listened to and loved. 

       Focused attention works as a relationship-builder in every one of life’s venues.  It works with the elderly, friends, co-workers, bosses, husbands, wives, children, siblings and parents.  It even works in relationship-building with God.  Any positive, productive relationship requires it.

       This is my challenge for you!  Find a person with whom you are having a rocky relationship and try giving that person one minute (of course, more is better) of focused attention a day for two weeks. Don’t talk about your own issues!  Find out about his or her issues, interests, likes and dislikes.  Discover the individual’s world.  I believe you will discover that listening and love are closely related! I believe you will see the power of focused attention! I know I did.