Metacognition in Marriage

       Just thinking about thinking is metacognition! Some thinking is just daydreaming. Some thinking is problem solving.  Some thinking is analyzing and some is planning. I am always thinking about something.   I ask a lot of questions not only to others but to myself and thus I think a lot. Not all of my thinking is one hundred per cent productive, but it is usually positive.  I try to keep my thinking from going in negative directions, because I do not want to be discouraged.  Even more importantly, I cannot afford to be discouraged.  Life is too short waste any time waddling in self-pity, negativity or discouragement.
        My husband is a thinker,too.He likes to think about big ideas such as societal injustices and things that he cannot change. I hate injustices,too; but I put them in God's hands and try to focus on the practical things that I can change. His line of thinking can be very discouraging to me.
         Our thinking patterns differ immensely.  His thinking is like a rhino and he thinks that mine more like the proverbial ostrich. He thinks about things in a forceful, passionate manner.  He finds a lot to be angry about and to be upset about.  I, on the other hand, get upset only when I am seeing him upset, rather than getting worked up over global matters.  He says that I am like an ostrich. He says I have my head in the sand. In defense of the ostrich, I will say that it does protect its mind.  I do guard my mind and my thinking, and, hopefully, I am not in Fantasy Land
        When he is sitting near me quietly, I often ask him what he is thinking about.  He usually says, "Nothing". I think to myself, how can anyone be thinking about "nothing"? I cannot imagine thinking about nothing or not thinking.   I read somewhere that men liked to have time in that cave, in that break from thought called "nothing".  It is perhaps like an electric heater or an iron that has been left on and turns itself off rather than getting overheated. They call it "automatic shut-off".  Maybe rather that marveling that he is thinking about "nothing", I should be thankful that he sometimes finds in me a safe, quiet, haven from the stresses of thinking about all those big ideas that I choose not to dwell on,but that he faces head on.
        Men have more compartmentalized thinking and women have a more integrated or connected thinking patterns.  Men can have a compartment in the brain for "Nothing", but most women cannot, because all of female thinking is connected in someway to each other. That is why when when my head is in the sand, it is not really there for avoidance.  It is there for protection; for observation of the sand itself; for thoughts about food, family, job, church, books, the Bible, the house, the car, the needs of others; and many other important ideas. I am thinking about all of those things while my head is buried. All the while, the courageous rhino is thinking about one realm or idea at a time, because that is the way he was made.
       

How Do You Think?

     Do you plan things in sequential order or do you have to see the big picture first?  I have heard it called " Part to whole" thinking and  "Whole to part" thinking.  In reading instruction, it is the difference between phonics and sight word reading. It is also the need to know where a book is going before reading or the method of just starting at the beginning and jumping in to read.  In project management, it is getting the overview, before one starts on the details or starting with details and seeing where they lead.  It is truly nothing more than inductive verses deductive reasoning.
     Deductive reasoning starts with the theory, goes to the hypothesis, followed by observation then arrives at a conclusion.  Inductive reasoning starts with an observation, followed by the seeing of a pattern, followed by an hypothesis and conclusion.  The "end" should be the same in scientific endeavors.
     In the field of education, we have learned the value of asking the essential question before we begin to learn.  It is called a "driving question", too. Knowing the right question is important to finding the answer you are looking for.  The value of deductive reasoning is very important to most problem solving.
    However, when life's trials are steep and one is battle scarred, the best approach is to put one foot in front of the other and walk, which is the essence of induction.
     How do you think?  Techniques from both thinking styles could be of benefit to all.   I would not want to read with only phonics skills nor would I want to read with only memorized sight words.   The marvelous human mind is capable of both styles and a balanced person needs to think in whatever style the job requires.  
      The big picture and the vision have to have details, too.  The branches have to have a trunk.  A trunk has to have branches, twigs and leaves.   Some cannot see the forest for the trees and some cannot see the trees for the forest.  Both are important!

Old Fashioned Paths

     "Stand in the ways and see, and ask for the old path, where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls." (Jeremiah 6:16)  "Because my people have forgotten Me, they have burned incense to worthless idols. And they have caused themselves to stumble in their ways, from the ancient paths, to walk in pathways and not on a highway..."  (Jeremiah 18:15)
     The old way, the old path, the safe way, all sound so old fashioned. Even character, chastity, duty and morality seem passe! Louisa May Alcott's Old Fashioned Girl focused on teaching young men and women of her era the value of timeless virtue through the character of Polly Milton.  Her virtue definitely paid off in the end.
      A critical reviewer of the contemporary movie about Christian courtship, Old Fashioned, said, "Well this (referring to content of the movie) explains why people prefer to follow the wrong path, rather than what is right..." Obviously, the movie was painful to the reviewer, but the brief quote acknowledges that he agrees that there is a right and wrong path to marriage.
      To me, the movie Old Fashioned is a refreshing diversion from modern romance.  It is a truly romantic story, because it honors the old path...the right way...a pure, moral approach to getting to know someone of the opposite sex for potential marriage. Yes, the lead character, Clay Walsh, went overboard in his old fashioned morality to the point that he almost lost the "pretty" girl,Amber, but the virtue he displayed made him the most dashing of moral men.  I found  the movie very inspiring and full of food for meaningful discussion: a great conversation starter; not only for the young, but also the mature.
       The flaw that Clay had to confront was one he could not see in himself: a lack of outgoing concern. He was so wrapped up in his standards that he forgot about the other person and forgot to love. Loving and respecting seem to be old fashioned ideas, too.  Many modern relationships focus on self-love and one's own needs.  As Audrey Hepburn put it, "It's that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up.  Others matter more than you do, so  'don't fuss, dear; get on with it.'"      
        As God said through Jeremiah, "Ask for the old path, where the good way is..." What is the value of that choice or choices? Why choose morality, virtue, respect and love? Why were the choices of Polly and Clay good, right and worthwhile?  God also said, "Then you will find rest..."   That sounds like old fashioned happiness to me!