I asked our 24 year-old son if he thought a girl without make-up could be beautiful and he said, "No!" This made me sad to think that he did not understand the principle of quality and had chosen to dwell in the superficial.
This is the same boy, who when he was about 2, was confronted by a clown in a park with bold face make up displaying a big red smile, a ball for a nose and big painted on happy eyes. When he saw the clown, he cried and screamed and hid him face in my clothes. He was terrified and from then on hated and feared clowns.
His dad wanted to rent a Barney (the green dinosaur) costume for a children's event to delight his son, since Barney was his favorite TV show at the time. When his father put the dinosaur head piece on in the costume shop, our son, again, cried and screamed. The trial run save us quite a bit of money and put an end to that brilliant idea.
He never liked stuffed animal heads either. They scared him. He never wanted to go into a room where a taxidermist had created something, though he dearly loved animals.
His strong natural sense of preferring the real, the living, the genuine and disdaining the fake was alive and well. I understood where he was coming from.
The images of the world's media definitely go for perfection and the superficial. How could you really think that a made-up image was more beautiful than the real thing? I appreciated his honesty, but I do hope that will gain a different perspective as he matures.
When he meets the girl of his dreams, I hope that she will be so beautiful to him on the inside that the outside will be almost insignificant. I hope that he will learn that superficiality may make a promise that it cannot deliver and that the superficial appears to be something that it is really not.
Okay, I am not a guy, but this blog is about joy. I hope my son will learn to find joy in sincerity and truth. I hope he will grow to find joy in the genuine, "real deal".
Monday, November 2, 2015
What is a W-O-M-B?
I always asked a lot of questions. I was such an intense little girl. My mother hated it when I asked too many questions. She felt like I was putting her "on the spot" or cross-examining her. My dad loved my questions. However, when I was looking for a 30 second answer to a math problem, he wanted to give me the 30 minute or 3 hour version. He wanted to make sure that I really understood all the details and history of the question and not just be given the answer. I guess I liked to ask questions more than I liked to listen to lengthy answers. The court room model suited my attorney cross-examination style just fine.
I cannot say that my husband and son like my questions either. They feel like I am probing when I am just trying to understand. Love is a lot about listening I have come to understand.
When I was a young girl more than 50 years ago, I was reading the Bible out loud to myself. I loved to read orally. My mother and father were in the other room and not paying attention to me. I was reading Luke 1:31. God was telling Mary that she would conceive in her womb.
"Mommy, what is a W-O-M-B?" I said.
"Where did you see that? What are you reading?" my shocked and flustered mother said.
I felt like I had done something awful. When I said that I was reading the Bible, she tried to regain her composure and gave me an answer. I learned that some questions evoked some very powerful emotions and were upsetting to people. Some subjects were taboo.
Did she think I said "B-O-M-B"?
Times have certainly changed since this happened. Today's little children know many words and ideas that I still do not know about or understand. Today's child still asks a lot of questions that give us the most incredible "teachable moments".
Questions are probably one of the most powerful teaching tools. They reflect the desire and need to know. They reflect the thoughts of the mind and passion of the heart. Information is so much easier to receive when it is asked for. When a child is asking for a dialogue, a lecture does not work. Sometimes the best answer is another question. A question may be the answer.
Pay attention to questions that you are asking and that others are asking. The questions may tell us more than the answers. Questions show motivation and may create a an opening to the window of the mind.
When I asked my W-O-M-B question a long time ago, I could have learned about God's miracle of Christ's conception instead of what not to ask.
I cannot say that my husband and son like my questions either. They feel like I am probing when I am just trying to understand. Love is a lot about listening I have come to understand.
When I was a young girl more than 50 years ago, I was reading the Bible out loud to myself. I loved to read orally. My mother and father were in the other room and not paying attention to me. I was reading Luke 1:31. God was telling Mary that she would conceive in her womb.
"Mommy, what is a W-O-M-B?" I said.
"Where did you see that? What are you reading?" my shocked and flustered mother said.
I felt like I had done something awful. When I said that I was reading the Bible, she tried to regain her composure and gave me an answer. I learned that some questions evoked some very powerful emotions and were upsetting to people. Some subjects were taboo.
Did she think I said "B-O-M-B"?
Times have certainly changed since this happened. Today's little children know many words and ideas that I still do not know about or understand. Today's child still asks a lot of questions that give us the most incredible "teachable moments".
Questions are probably one of the most powerful teaching tools. They reflect the desire and need to know. They reflect the thoughts of the mind and passion of the heart. Information is so much easier to receive when it is asked for. When a child is asking for a dialogue, a lecture does not work. Sometimes the best answer is another question. A question may be the answer.
Pay attention to questions that you are asking and that others are asking. The questions may tell us more than the answers. Questions show motivation and may create a an opening to the window of the mind.
When I asked my W-O-M-B question a long time ago, I could have learned about God's miracle of Christ's conception instead of what not to ask.
Monday, October 26, 2015
Plumeria
When I was in Maui, Hawaii 35 years ago, the scent of flowers was everywhere. I still remembered the fragrance of one of the most beautiful places on earth after all those years. It was one of my favorite memories: the natural overwhelming perfume. I returned this year with a totally different group of people and had a totally different experience there. Maui was much more built up. The air was fresh and clean, but the potent, overpowering scent was no longer there. I thought that was the cost of progress. You would still see lot of flowers everywhere. If you walked up to the flowering trees and bushes, you got a whiff of fragrance.
Why would people go on very long flights to get to Hawaii, when the Caribbean is so much closer? Some in Ohio might ask this question. The total sensual experience that is Hawaii must be part of it. The visual is powerful with the turquoise water of varying shades, the white ocean caps, the lovely clouds, the mountains and green, green everywhere. There are flowers of every bright color through out the land. With one glance you can see the ocean, dry land and mountains. The sounds of, yes, the roosters crowing beginning at 2 am and on through the night. The sounds of birds and crashing waves are everywhere, too. The gentle rain that feels so good. The warm sand and salt water on your feet and the flowers' velvet texture are also part of the experience. The tastes of tropical fruit: pineapple, guava, coconut and mango, are such a delight tempered with the open air dining and an occasional mai tai. Then, there's the scent, not on any Caribbean isle, that is plumeria.
Putting flowers to my nose is something I occasionally do. It was so great experiencing the myriad of scents of Hawaii. The most delightful scent of all was the amazing plumeria. My sister gave me a lei of plumeria flowers on my last day in Hawaii. Just having those beautiful totally immersing flowers on my neck for several hours was the crowning of my experience in Hawaii. Now I have a scent to remember for the next 35 years. (lol)
I brought the white flowers with pink and orange tips home with the intention of keeping it as a incredible souvenir. The scent lingered even when the flowers' color was muddy. Eventually I threw them away. It was too sad to see something that was once so beautiful look so dead. I wanted to remember them as they were.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
A Small Patch of Joy
The small patch of flowers that we were creating in the backyard and at our school garden was on the back burner all summer. We had decided to create a large planting area with retaining wall over 70 feet in length in our backyard. Therefore, the focus was about creating the flowerbed, not on planting or growing it. At school, with lots of rain all spring and lots of teacher discontent, the school garden became more of a problem than a source of joy. We focused on mulching and and keeping back the weeds rather than planting or growing the garden. Our produce was very limited.
The patch of flowers metaphor that I was using for my blog and the gardens was becoming a fading vision of the past. I wondered if I even still liked gardening. Okay, I knew I liked flowers, but I wondered about the process. It just was not that much fun. I never even thought of my blog during the summer, because I was not thinking about planting joy. ( I admit that my blog writing was waning even before the summer.)
The planting of joy that I so much valued was not happening in either of my realms. I found some fun with the challenge I made to myself of moving out of my comfort zone. I was enjoying challenging myself, but I did not seem to be planting joy. I had a few good times, but planting joy: I did not seem to be doing that.
The school year started. The new administrator did not want us to take the children to the garden, because it would take them away from our academic growth. (I did not agree with that philosophy.) Thankfully, the sunflowers were strong and beautiful regardless of what the vegetables were doing.
Last week in mid-October, a fellow teacher confided in me that her very demanding, critical parents were coming for a visit. They were not pleased or complimentary about any of her successes, which were many. She was a nervous wreck about the visit.
I bought three bouquets of roses the day before her parents visit. I gave her two of them and told her to put them in conspicuous places in her home and when she saw them think of how she was respected and loved by many other people in her family and at work. She seemed to be appreciative. I felt that I was planting joy.
The second bouquet was for the teachers whose students I work with in my resource room. I had each student write a thank you letter to their other teachers and when the letter was complete, the student selected a rose and gave it to his/her teacher with the letter.That was the student was able to give the joy to the teacher. There was some near-tears of joy that day and some very happy students who had the opportunity to give a teacher some joy. Each teacher told me more or less the same thing, "I needed that."
It is an overwhelming experience to be reminded of how much joy a "small patch of flowers" can bring even if it is in the form of a bouquet or a single rose.
Sunday, February 22, 2015
Metacognition in Marriage
Just thinking about thinking is metacognition! Some thinking is just daydreaming. Some thinking is problem solving. Some thinking is analyzing and some is planning. I am always thinking about something. I ask a lot of questions not only to others but to myself and thus I think a lot. Not all of my thinking is one hundred per cent productive, but it is usually positive. I try to keep my thinking from going in negative directions, because I do not want to be discouraged. Even more importantly, I cannot afford to be discouraged. Life is too short waste any time waddling in self-pity, negativity or discouragement.
My husband is a thinker,too.He likes to think about big ideas such as societal injustices and things that he cannot change. I hate injustices,too; but I put them in God's hands and try to focus on the practical things that I can change. His line of thinking can be very discouraging to me.
Our thinking patterns differ immensely. His thinking is like a rhino and he thinks that mine more like the proverbial ostrich. He thinks about things in a forceful, passionate manner. He finds a lot to be angry about and to be upset about. I, on the other hand, get upset only when I am seeing him upset, rather than getting worked up over global matters. He says that I am like an ostrich. He says I have my head in the sand. In defense of the ostrich, I will say that it does protect its mind. I do guard my mind and my thinking, and, hopefully, I am not in Fantasy Land
When he is sitting near me quietly, I often ask him what he is thinking about. He usually says, "Nothing". I think to myself, how can anyone be thinking about "nothing"? I cannot imagine thinking about nothing or not thinking. I read somewhere that men liked to have time in that cave, in that break from thought called "nothing". It is perhaps like an electric heater or an iron that has been left on and turns itself off rather than getting overheated. They call it "automatic shut-off". Maybe rather that marveling that he is thinking about "nothing", I should be thankful that he sometimes finds in me a safe, quiet, haven from the stresses of thinking about all those big ideas that I choose not to dwell on,but that he faces head on.
Men have more compartmentalized thinking and women have a more integrated or connected thinking patterns. Men can have a compartment in the brain for "Nothing", but most women cannot, because all of female thinking is connected in someway to each other. That is why when when my head is in the sand, it is not really there for avoidance. It is there for protection; for observation of the sand itself; for thoughts about food, family, job, church, books, the Bible, the house, the car, the needs of others; and many other important ideas. I am thinking about all of those things while my head is buried. All the while, the courageous rhino is thinking about one realm or idea at a time, because that is the way he was made.
My husband is a thinker,too.He likes to think about big ideas such as societal injustices and things that he cannot change. I hate injustices,too; but I put them in God's hands and try to focus on the practical things that I can change. His line of thinking can be very discouraging to me.
Our thinking patterns differ immensely. His thinking is like a rhino and he thinks that mine more like the proverbial ostrich. He thinks about things in a forceful, passionate manner. He finds a lot to be angry about and to be upset about. I, on the other hand, get upset only when I am seeing him upset, rather than getting worked up over global matters. He says that I am like an ostrich. He says I have my head in the sand. In defense of the ostrich, I will say that it does protect its mind. I do guard my mind and my thinking, and, hopefully, I am not in Fantasy Land
When he is sitting near me quietly, I often ask him what he is thinking about. He usually says, "Nothing". I think to myself, how can anyone be thinking about "nothing"? I cannot imagine thinking about nothing or not thinking. I read somewhere that men liked to have time in that cave, in that break from thought called "nothing". It is perhaps like an electric heater or an iron that has been left on and turns itself off rather than getting overheated. They call it "automatic shut-off". Maybe rather that marveling that he is thinking about "nothing", I should be thankful that he sometimes finds in me a safe, quiet, haven from the stresses of thinking about all those big ideas that I choose not to dwell on,but that he faces head on.
Men have more compartmentalized thinking and women have a more integrated or connected thinking patterns. Men can have a compartment in the brain for "Nothing", but most women cannot, because all of female thinking is connected in someway to each other. That is why when when my head is in the sand, it is not really there for avoidance. It is there for protection; for observation of the sand itself; for thoughts about food, family, job, church, books, the Bible, the house, the car, the needs of others; and many other important ideas. I am thinking about all of those things while my head is buried. All the while, the courageous rhino is thinking about one realm or idea at a time, because that is the way he was made.
Friday, February 20, 2015
How Do You Think?
Do you plan things in sequential order or do you have to see the big picture first? I have heard it called " Part to whole" thinking and "Whole to part" thinking. In reading instruction, it is the difference between phonics and sight word reading. It is also the need to know where a book is going before reading or the method of just starting at the beginning and jumping in to read. In project management, it is getting the overview, before one starts on the details or starting with details and seeing where they lead. It is truly nothing more than inductive verses deductive reasoning.
Deductive reasoning starts with the theory, goes to the hypothesis, followed by observation then arrives at a conclusion. Inductive reasoning starts with an observation, followed by the seeing of a pattern, followed by an hypothesis and conclusion. The "end" should be the same in scientific endeavors.
In the field of education, we have learned the value of asking the essential question before we begin to learn. It is called a "driving question", too. Knowing the right question is important to finding the answer you are looking for. The value of deductive reasoning is very important to most problem solving.
However, when life's trials are steep and one is battle scarred, the best approach is to put one foot in front of the other and walk, which is the essence of induction.
How do you think? Techniques from both thinking styles could be of benefit to all. I would not want to read with only phonics skills nor would I want to read with only memorized sight words. The marvelous human mind is capable of both styles and a balanced person needs to think in whatever style the job requires.
The big picture and the vision have to have details, too. The branches have to have a trunk. A trunk has to have branches, twigs and leaves. Some cannot see the forest for the trees and some cannot see the trees for the forest. Both are important!
Deductive reasoning starts with the theory, goes to the hypothesis, followed by observation then arrives at a conclusion. Inductive reasoning starts with an observation, followed by the seeing of a pattern, followed by an hypothesis and conclusion. The "end" should be the same in scientific endeavors.
In the field of education, we have learned the value of asking the essential question before we begin to learn. It is called a "driving question", too. Knowing the right question is important to finding the answer you are looking for. The value of deductive reasoning is very important to most problem solving.
However, when life's trials are steep and one is battle scarred, the best approach is to put one foot in front of the other and walk, which is the essence of induction.
How do you think? Techniques from both thinking styles could be of benefit to all. I would not want to read with only phonics skills nor would I want to read with only memorized sight words. The marvelous human mind is capable of both styles and a balanced person needs to think in whatever style the job requires.
The big picture and the vision have to have details, too. The branches have to have a trunk. A trunk has to have branches, twigs and leaves. Some cannot see the forest for the trees and some cannot see the trees for the forest. Both are important!
Thursday, February 19, 2015
Old Fashioned Paths
"Stand in the ways and see, and ask for the old path, where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls." (Jeremiah 6:16) "Because my people have forgotten Me, they have burned incense to worthless idols. And they have caused themselves to stumble in their ways, from the ancient paths, to walk in pathways and not on a highway..." (Jeremiah 18:15)
The old way, the old path, the safe way, all sound so old fashioned. Even character, chastity, duty and morality seem passe! Louisa May Alcott's Old Fashioned Girl focused on teaching young men and women of her era the value of timeless virtue through the character of Polly Milton. Her virtue definitely paid off in the end.
A critical reviewer of the contemporary movie about Christian courtship, Old Fashioned, said, "Well this (referring to content of the movie) explains why people prefer to follow the wrong path, rather than what is right..." Obviously, the movie was painful to the reviewer, but the brief quote acknowledges that he agrees that there is a right and wrong path to marriage.
To me, the movie Old Fashioned is a refreshing diversion from modern romance. It is a truly romantic story, because it honors the old path...the right way...a pure, moral approach to getting to know someone of the opposite sex for potential marriage. Yes, the lead character, Clay Walsh, went overboard in his old fashioned morality to the point that he almost lost the "pretty" girl,Amber, but the virtue he displayed made him the most dashing of moral men. I found the movie very inspiring and full of food for meaningful discussion: a great conversation starter; not only for the young, but also the mature.
The flaw that Clay had to confront was one he could not see in himself: a lack of outgoing concern. He was so wrapped up in his standards that he forgot about the other person and forgot to love. Loving and respecting seem to be old fashioned ideas, too. Many modern relationships focus on self-love and one's own needs. As Audrey Hepburn put it, "It's that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up. Others matter more than you do, so 'don't fuss, dear; get on with it.'"
As God said through Jeremiah, "Ask for the old path, where the good way is..." What is the value of that choice or choices? Why choose morality, virtue, respect and love? Why were the choices of Polly and Clay good, right and worthwhile? God also said, "Then you will find rest..." That sounds like old fashioned happiness to me!
The old way, the old path, the safe way, all sound so old fashioned. Even character, chastity, duty and morality seem passe! Louisa May Alcott's Old Fashioned Girl focused on teaching young men and women of her era the value of timeless virtue through the character of Polly Milton. Her virtue definitely paid off in the end.
A critical reviewer of the contemporary movie about Christian courtship, Old Fashioned, said, "Well this (referring to content of the movie) explains why people prefer to follow the wrong path, rather than what is right..." Obviously, the movie was painful to the reviewer, but the brief quote acknowledges that he agrees that there is a right and wrong path to marriage.
To me, the movie Old Fashioned is a refreshing diversion from modern romance. It is a truly romantic story, because it honors the old path...the right way...a pure, moral approach to getting to know someone of the opposite sex for potential marriage. Yes, the lead character, Clay Walsh, went overboard in his old fashioned morality to the point that he almost lost the "pretty" girl,Amber, but the virtue he displayed made him the most dashing of moral men. I found the movie very inspiring and full of food for meaningful discussion: a great conversation starter; not only for the young, but also the mature.
The flaw that Clay had to confront was one he could not see in himself: a lack of outgoing concern. He was so wrapped up in his standards that he forgot about the other person and forgot to love. Loving and respecting seem to be old fashioned ideas, too. Many modern relationships focus on self-love and one's own needs. As Audrey Hepburn put it, "It's that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up. Others matter more than you do, so 'don't fuss, dear; get on with it.'"
As God said through Jeremiah, "Ask for the old path, where the good way is..." What is the value of that choice or choices? Why choose morality, virtue, respect and love? Why were the choices of Polly and Clay good, right and worthwhile? God also said, "Then you will find rest..." That sounds like old fashioned happiness to me!
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