A Small Patch of Joy

  


   The small patch of flowers that we were creating in the backyard and at our school garden was on the back burner all summer.  We  had decided to create a large planting area with retaining wall over 70 feet in length in our backyard. Therefore, the focus was about creating the flowerbed, not on planting or growing it. At school, with lots of rain all spring and lots of teacher discontent, the school garden became more of a problem than a source of joy. We focused on mulching and and keeping back the weeds rather than planting or growing the garden. Our produce was very limited.
     The patch of flowers metaphor that I was using for my blog and the gardens was becoming a fading vision of the past.  I wondered if I even still liked gardening.  Okay, I knew I liked flowers, but I wondered about the process. It just was not that much fun.  I never even thought of my blog during the summer, because I was not thinking about planting joy. ( I admit that my blog writing was waning even before the summer.)
     The planting of joy that I so much valued was not happening in either of my realms.  I found some fun with the challenge I made to myself of moving out of my comfort zone.   I was enjoying challenging myself, but I did not seem to be planting joy. I had a few good times, but planting joy:  I did not seem to be doing that.
      The school year started.  The new administrator did not want us to take the children to the garden, because it would take them away from our academic growth.  (I did not agree with that philosophy.)  Thankfully, the sunflowers were strong and beautiful regardless of what the vegetables were doing.
       Last week in mid-October, a fellow teacher confided in me that her very demanding, critical parents were coming for a visit.  They were not pleased or complimentary about any of her successes, which were many. She was a nervous wreck about the visit.
       I bought three bouquets of roses the day before her parents visit.  I gave her two of them and told her to put them in conspicuous places in her home and when she saw them think of how she was respected and loved by many other people in her family and at work.  She seemed to be appreciative.  I felt that I was planting joy.
       The second bouquet was for the teachers whose students I work with in my resource room. I had each student write a thank you letter to their other teachers and when the letter was complete, the student selected a rose and gave it to his/her teacher with the letter.That was the student was able to give the joy to the teacher.   There was some near-tears of joy that day and some very happy students who had the opportunity to give a teacher some joy. Each teacher told me more or less the same thing,  "I needed that."
       It is an overwhelming experience to be reminded of how much joy a "small patch of flowers" can bring even if it is in the form of a bouquet or a single rose.
     

Metacognition in Marriage

       Just thinking about thinking is metacognition! Some thinking is just daydreaming. Some thinking is problem solving.  Some thinking is analyzing and some is planning. I am always thinking about something.   I ask a lot of questions not only to others but to myself and thus I think a lot. Not all of my thinking is one hundred per cent productive, but it is usually positive.  I try to keep my thinking from going in negative directions, because I do not want to be discouraged.  Even more importantly, I cannot afford to be discouraged.  Life is too short waste any time waddling in self-pity, negativity or discouragement.
        My husband is a thinker,too.He likes to think about big ideas such as societal injustices and things that he cannot change. I hate injustices,too; but I put them in God's hands and try to focus on the practical things that I can change. His line of thinking can be very discouraging to me.
         Our thinking patterns differ immensely.  His thinking is like a rhino and he thinks that mine more like the proverbial ostrich. He thinks about things in a forceful, passionate manner.  He finds a lot to be angry about and to be upset about.  I, on the other hand, get upset only when I am seeing him upset, rather than getting worked up over global matters.  He says that I am like an ostrich. He says I have my head in the sand. In defense of the ostrich, I will say that it does protect its mind.  I do guard my mind and my thinking, and, hopefully, I am not in Fantasy Land
        When he is sitting near me quietly, I often ask him what he is thinking about.  He usually says, "Nothing". I think to myself, how can anyone be thinking about "nothing"? I cannot imagine thinking about nothing or not thinking.   I read somewhere that men liked to have time in that cave, in that break from thought called "nothing".  It is perhaps like an electric heater or an iron that has been left on and turns itself off rather than getting overheated. They call it "automatic shut-off".  Maybe rather that marveling that he is thinking about "nothing", I should be thankful that he sometimes finds in me a safe, quiet, haven from the stresses of thinking about all those big ideas that I choose not to dwell on,but that he faces head on.
        Men have more compartmentalized thinking and women have a more integrated or connected thinking patterns.  Men can have a compartment in the brain for "Nothing", but most women cannot, because all of female thinking is connected in someway to each other. That is why when when my head is in the sand, it is not really there for avoidance.  It is there for protection; for observation of the sand itself; for thoughts about food, family, job, church, books, the Bible, the house, the car, the needs of others; and many other important ideas. I am thinking about all of those things while my head is buried. All the while, the courageous rhino is thinking about one realm or idea at a time, because that is the way he was made.
       

How Do You Think?

     Do you plan things in sequential order or do you have to see the big picture first?  I have heard it called " Part to whole" thinking and  "Whole to part" thinking.  In reading instruction, it is the difference between phonics and sight word reading. It is also the need to know where a book is going before reading or the method of just starting at the beginning and jumping in to read.  In project management, it is getting the overview, before one starts on the details or starting with details and seeing where they lead.  It is truly nothing more than inductive verses deductive reasoning.
     Deductive reasoning starts with the theory, goes to the hypothesis, followed by observation then arrives at a conclusion.  Inductive reasoning starts with an observation, followed by the seeing of a pattern, followed by an hypothesis and conclusion.  The "end" should be the same in scientific endeavors.
     In the field of education, we have learned the value of asking the essential question before we begin to learn.  It is called a "driving question", too. Knowing the right question is important to finding the answer you are looking for.  The value of deductive reasoning is very important to most problem solving.
    However, when life's trials are steep and one is battle scarred, the best approach is to put one foot in front of the other and walk, which is the essence of induction.
     How do you think?  Techniques from both thinking styles could be of benefit to all.   I would not want to read with only phonics skills nor would I want to read with only memorized sight words.   The marvelous human mind is capable of both styles and a balanced person needs to think in whatever style the job requires.  
      The big picture and the vision have to have details, too.  The branches have to have a trunk.  A trunk has to have branches, twigs and leaves.   Some cannot see the forest for the trees and some cannot see the trees for the forest.  Both are important!

Old Fashioned Paths

     "Stand in the ways and see, and ask for the old path, where the good way is, and walk in it; then you will find rest for your souls." (Jeremiah 6:16)  "Because my people have forgotten Me, they have burned incense to worthless idols. And they have caused themselves to stumble in their ways, from the ancient paths, to walk in pathways and not on a highway..."  (Jeremiah 18:15)
     The old way, the old path, the safe way, all sound so old fashioned. Even character, chastity, duty and morality seem passe! Louisa May Alcott's Old Fashioned Girl focused on teaching young men and women of her era the value of timeless virtue through the character of Polly Milton.  Her virtue definitely paid off in the end.
      A critical reviewer of the contemporary movie about Christian courtship, Old Fashioned, said, "Well this (referring to content of the movie) explains why people prefer to follow the wrong path, rather than what is right..." Obviously, the movie was painful to the reviewer, but the brief quote acknowledges that he agrees that there is a right and wrong path to marriage.
      To me, the movie Old Fashioned is a refreshing diversion from modern romance.  It is a truly romantic story, because it honors the old path...the right way...a pure, moral approach to getting to know someone of the opposite sex for potential marriage. Yes, the lead character, Clay Walsh, went overboard in his old fashioned morality to the point that he almost lost the "pretty" girl,Amber, but the virtue he displayed made him the most dashing of moral men.  I found  the movie very inspiring and full of food for meaningful discussion: a great conversation starter; not only for the young, but also the mature.
       The flaw that Clay had to confront was one he could not see in himself: a lack of outgoing concern. He was so wrapped up in his standards that he forgot about the other person and forgot to love. Loving and respecting seem to be old fashioned ideas, too.  Many modern relationships focus on self-love and one's own needs.  As Audrey Hepburn put it, "It's that wonderful old-fashioned idea that others come first and you come second. This was the whole ethic by which I was brought up.  Others matter more than you do, so  'don't fuss, dear; get on with it.'"      
        As God said through Jeremiah, "Ask for the old path, where the good way is..." What is the value of that choice or choices? Why choose morality, virtue, respect and love? Why were the choices of Polly and Clay good, right and worthwhile?  God also said, "Then you will find rest..."   That sounds like old fashioned happiness to me!

Christian Retirement?

     Retirement is someone else's word.  It is the opposite of what I want to do.  I want to be active and alive.  I don't want to fade away.  I want to stay in the game.  I want to continue to grow!
     I consider myself to be a Christian: a follower of Christ.  Would a Christian "just fade away" as General MacArthur said about old soldiers. ("Old soldiers never die, they just fade away.") It is rather the opposite for Christians, they will die, but they won't just fade away. They may fade in to obscurity to their fellow man after death, but never to their maker, who loved them and called them.
     The Bible speaks about praying to have your youth restored. Scriptures such as Psalm 91: 16 speak about the blessing of a long life.  In Psalm 91:14,  David speaks about the righteous in this way:  "They shall bear fruit in old age; They shall be fresh and flourishing to declare that the Lord is upright..." (NKJ) In other words, they will be fruitful, fresh and flourishing even in old age.
     Can a Christian retire?  Can a Christian rest on past service or acts of faith?  Christians have to press on until death toward the "mark of the high calling" of Christ. How can you press on if you are retired? Can you retire from your purpose, your calling, your mission, your passion or your love?   Can a servant say to his master: "I want to retire!"? Can you say to your maker, "I have done enough, I want to take a well-deserved break."?
      The Christian can never retire, but does receive a pension.  The best imaginable benefits of love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These benefits are accrued not by saving or hoarding or a biweekly deposit.  They are primarily earned by giving.
      Christian retirement is an oxymoron.  You can't retire from the Christian life.  You can't say that your tenure of service is up and that you want to rest on your laurels. You can't say that you want to cash in your benefits and take them for yourself.  You do know, however, that you will be and are rewarded for your years of service, by more opportunities to serve. A Christian will be "fruitful, fresh and flourishing" until the end and forever.

Refiring

        I do not believe in retiring!  Adjusting one's course or refiring might be a better ways to phrase it. When I think about the word "retirement", I think about taking a permanent vacation.  I think retirement is very much the wrong word for the productive work of the the last third or fourth of one's life. Repurposing, renewing, refocusing or rewinding would be better words. It should be a time for even greater fulfillment and finding a deeper commitment to your life's purpose!
        Until the industrial age, was retiring even, ever possible? Within the family unit, jobs may have changed as one got older, but retirement?  Kings were kings until they died. Farmers were farmers until they died. I do think that there is a time to teach younger people what you have learned and maybe your role will change as you age. There is a time when your health may not permit you to do the same kind of work you could do as a younger person.  But retiring from productive work?
        Retirement was a term countries used as an enticing socialist reform beginning in the late 1800's, when industries used retirement to remove older workers with stronger, younger workers. It was first instituted in Germany in 1889. Companies would use retirement to move someone out, when that someone was no longer useful to the company. It was eventually considered a right of workers to have a pension on which to retire and many worker looked forward to relief from the tedium of their dull, routine jobs.
        My father idealized retirement, as many of his peers did.  Social Security was enacted in 1935 and  retiring with a pension seemed glorious. The age of sixty-five was chosen as the typical retirement age, because that was the average life expectancy at the time. Some began to think that they did not have to think or plan their own life pathways. Uncle Sam did that for them.  My father would always talk about what he would do in retirement. Having the time and money to travel and enjoy life was a big part of that dream. Unfortunately, he did not live long enough to do much of the traveling he hoped to do.
         We baby-boomers are rethinking retirement.   Our younger friends are saying how much they wish they could retire; yet people I know who are actually approaching "retirement" age, are not wishing it so much. If you are not happy, of course, you should change your job. If you can live on part-time pay and choose to work part time that is great. If you can afford not to work for money; and that is what you want to do, go for it.  Just do not have the mistaken notion that a life without meaningful work or activities would be wonderful.
        Work is not a bad word.  Work is one of the greatest sources of joy and fulfillment.  David Bogan and Keith Davies wrote a book called Avoid Retirement and Stay Alive: The New Retirement Revolution. Though I have not read this book yet, I have read enough reviews to recognize that I heartily agree with the premise. Work keeps us alive. There is a difference between your job and your work. Your "work" would be closely aligned with your passion(s) and the purpose for your life, as you see it.  Work as an activity is a good thing, too.
         As you approach retirement age, think of firing yourself up with renewed purpose and focus. Think of making this time of your life the best of all.  Don't retire, just because that is what 65 year-olds do.  Don't make the mistake of thinking that lots of leisure time would be a good thing.  Make interesting long and short term goals for your life and, if you have not done so until now: learn to love work. (Of course, I preach to myself!)
       

Haiku Revisited

    Last night six of us visited the Haiku Restaurant in Columbus, Ohio.  My memory of the restaurant from my first visit in July 2012 was so wonderful that I wanted to share it with some special people again.   The event was Mary's 24th birthday. The last time I went, the group was seated inside, enjoyed jazz music and wrote little haiku poems with the paper provided to mount on the walls of the restaurant.  I wrote Mary three haiku poems before we arrived.  I hoped she would like them even a fraction as much as I enjoyed writing them.

    This time we ate outside which is a pretty rare phenomenon for mid-September. The sound of soft music and the trickling fountain drowned out the urban noise that would have been obvious with out those masking tools.  The weather was perfect as it was not too hot or too cold.  As Goldilocks put it, "It was just right!" 

    The food was good, too; especially the complimentary birthday dessert that Mary got and we all tasted.  It was a dish with green tea ice cream, mango ice cream and chocolate, gooey rice ball. Again, it was "just right".

     The last time I was there I was overwhelmed with the beautiful gardenias in the outdoor area.  This time I searched and searched the patio for the gardenias and I could not find them.  The difference between July and September made the flowers less spectacular in other ways, too.  The flowers were remnants, but still alive.
      I wanted to show Mary and her mother what the inside of the restaurant was like.  We got up to walk and I realized the joy of having someone to something beautiful with.  It was another "just right" moment.
      After we came back to our seats, I spotted the shiny green gardenia leaves and walked over to see them.  I was so thrilled that the restaurant had not abandoned the gardenias altogether.  Gardenias like it warm and would be soon struggling in the outdoors of Columbus.  Then, I saw a most hopeful sign: one small white bud.  I hope it blooms!
      We gave our hugs as we were returned to our cars by the valet service.We drove off into the crowded city. Within minutes, we observed a "hit and run accident", in which a wheelchair was hit and somewhat mangled by an automobile.  The handicapped man was knocked from the wheelchair and his possessions were strewn all over the street. Some people tried to help him, but all he could do was shout profanities because he was so totally angry and upset.  The automobile driver kept going.  It all happened very fast. We were not really close so there was nothing we could do.
      The moral of my narrative is this: savor your "just right" moments, because you never know when the bears will be back!